Wait, they want to show Batman doing THAT to Catwoman??

The Harley Quinn cartoon series, the one featuring Kaley Cuoco as the voice of the titular character, is definitely not for children. There’s been plenty of language and adult situations in the series, which will be entering its third season soon.

And recently, Harley Quinn – along with other superhero-based TV shows, like WandaVision and Umbrella Academy – have been featured in an article in Variety about the new storytelling and concepts of modern superhero TV shows. In other words, this isn’t Batman and Robin beating up on Burgess Meredith’s Penguin and Cesar Romero’s Joker. No way, man.

That being said, Harley Quinn has used the DC Universe very liberally in their series. Characters are not often portrayed as heroic; in fact, many of the characters in Harley Quinn have quirks and foibles and character traits that are sometimes played for laughs; while other times, they’re played for sympathy. And they’re not afraid to ramp up sexual overtones – heck, a Season 2 arc in Harley Quinn has Harley and her crime partner, Poison Ivy, involved in a Sapphic encounter.

But apparently there was an upcoming plotline in Harley Quinn‘s third season, according to that Variety article, where Batman is supposed to have performed foreplay on Catwoman. When word got to the higher-ups at DC Comics about this plotline – whether it was a throwaway joke or what – DC told the Harley Quinn producers to drop that concept instantly. From the article: “A perfect example of that is in this third season of ‘Harley’ [when] we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’”

Oh. So what you’re saying is … superheroes don’t have sex? Or if they do, what, the lights are off, there’s scented candles in the room, and there’s Mantovani playing in the background?

I got news for you. Superheroes get busy, just like you and me. Well, like you and me if you and me had superpowers, I guess.

Take, for example, two of the primary members of the Fantastic Four. Reed Richards (“Mr. Fantastic”) and Susan Richards (“The Invisible Woman”). Reed and Sue have had two kids, Franklin and Valeria. How do you think those kids came into existence? Immaculate conception? No, man, they probably had wild sexy time in the Baxter Building. Remember that Reed Richards’ superpower is extreme elasticity, to the point where he can stretch any part of his body at will? Any … part … of his body? And Sue could make this a bit of a romp in the bedroom, as she can turn invisible in an instant … that’s right, you’re feeling your partner’s touch but you can’t see your partner at all. Cue the cheezy porn music, yeah.

Oh, and if you haven’t heard of the comic series Watchmen, go get the graphic novel and get up to speed. Dr. Manhattan and Silk Spectre II are married and they have wild sex together. Heck, Dr. Manhattan can create several images of his body at once, so it’s almost like a group orgy if all the partners were the same person.

And it’s not like Silk Spectre II isn’t chaste herself. There’s a plotline in the comics where her and the second Nite Owl have a rendezvous in Nite Owl’s flying transport, the Owlship. A plotline, mind you, that is well-documented in the comic series, and was also incorporated into the live-action motion picture.

And by the way, have you seen some of the costumes that female super-heroes wear? Heck, Emma Frost’s superpower must include keeping what appears to be a few wisps of fabric covering her ample figure. Which probably doesn’t bother X-Men member Cyclops very much. If you know what I mean. Wink, wink. Well, maybe not wink, wink for Cyclops. Him winking can cause some serious problems.

Then we get to Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch. I’m just going to post this comic book cover.

I’m just going to say this. If the plotline of Ultimates was actually realized as a TV series, it wouldn’t air on Disney+. No, most likely it would end up on Showtime After Dark or something like that.

So, let’s get a few things straight. Comic book superheroes get busy. They do the dirty deed. Well, they do that inbetween battling Doctor Doom and Ra’s Al Ghul and all the other bad guys out there.

But come on, Batman can’t get a little fun time for himself?

Then again, we don’t know about Batman’s true sexual abilities and desires.

For all we know, he’s probably just pussy-whipped.

Thank you, I’ll see myself out. 😀