By: Chuck Miller
Having Fun

Do her headlights actually light up?

A fair word of warning. This blog post might be a bit, shall we say, juvenile. And I’m actually going to suggest you treat this as potentially NSFW.

You have been warned. After this, it’s all on you.

So, supposedly there’s a Twitter link floating around that purports to, if I’m viewing it correctly, points to a European plastic surgery center that will not only provide a woman with breast implants, it will provide her with breast implants that light up.

Yes, that’s what I said. Light up.

And the story was recently picked up on Twitter, and it just went completely viral.

Yep. Apparently the Lucerne Clinic offers fashionable women the opportunity to have light-up breast implants. And how do they light up? Press the nipple to turn them on, press the nipple to turn them off. And for an additional fee, you can have them flash in different colors, all controlled by a Bluetooth command on your cell phone.

They even showed a reality TV dating show participant who received these implants, and she programmed her silicone sweatermeats to flash and blink whenever she receives a phone call. I wonder if that only works with local calls, or do you need an areola code to go with it.

And people are sharing this as if it’s some amazing plastic surgery miracle.

There’s even a press release from the company, complete with press photos (no, not those kind of “press” photos) at this link.

I’m gonna need a minute on this. I’m already stifling some pretty strong giggles right now.

I think Terri O’Mason will help me get through this.

No, that didn’t work. I’m gonna need the good Dr. Ruth. Not Ruth Westheimer, mind you. I need Ruth Wallis.

No, that’s not enough. Ruth Wallis is just double-entendre. I need the full-on double-D entendre. Hit it, Rusty Warren!

Okay. Now that I’ve gotten all the snickering out of my system, let me confirm, once and for all …

The Bluetooth-powered light-up Sylvania Silicones are fake. Not just fake boobs, a fake story.

One quick Google search of the Lucerne clinic brought me to their website, where they politely explained, in both German and in English… the whole high-beam story was a 2021 April Fool’s Day joke. Sorry, the story floating around Twitter right now is a nearly year-old April Fool’s Day joke.

Wow.

All I’m going to say about this is that for a joke like this to still have some staying power…

You’ve got to be really broad-minded in your opinions.