For the men who don’t support Roe v. Wade, here’s some news for you.

Let’s start off with a few basic facts. 100% of unwanted pregnancies are technically introduced by men. Women aren’t capable of accidentally impregnating themselves. So whether it’s a broken condom, failed birth control methods (whoever told you that “pulling out” actually works is full of shit), or copious amounts of judgment-clouding alcohol, something’s going to happen.

This is when one gets an unwanted pregnancy.

Now this argument will not discuss pregnancies that are caused by rape or incest, and we will not be discussing pregnancies that can affect the life and health of the mother (i.e., ectopic pregnancies). What I’m talking about are pregnancies in which the mother will want to consider the options of abortion.

With the current upcoming argument that the ruling on abortion, Roe v. Wade – well, to be correct, Jane Roe, et al. v. Henry Wade, District Attorney of Dallas County, 410 U.S. 113 (1973) – and the possibility of Roe v. Wade being struck down or overturned, thus restricting or limiting abortion in over half the United States … one might think about how a man would act on this.

Let’s discuss this for a second, men. Gather around. Pull up a chair.

The unplanned pregnancy is on its way. And that’s your kid in there. Maybe kids, could be twins or triplets. And you’re against your wife / girlfriend / significant other / one-night stand controlling what she does with her body, whether to bring the child to term or to discontinue the pregnancy. As far as you’re concerned, that’s her problem, not yours, right? Nothing for you to worry about, right?

Let me explain a little thing called child support.

You refuse to allow her to have an abortion. So guess what. There’s a baby on the way, and it’s yours. And from the day of that child’s birth until that kid turns 21, you are now responsible for feeding and clothing and expending your salary upon the child. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. The custodial parent (the mother, if the child lives with her) receives monthly payments from the non-custodial parent (that’s you, buddy).

How much do you pay in child support? Let’s figure this out together. In New York, both parents’ incomes are combined as one total. For example, let’s say that between your $50,000 yearly income and her $30,000 yearly income, your combined annual income is $80,000. If there is one kid between you, then the non-custodial parent – you – must pay the custodial parent – her – 17% of that annual combined income. That’s $13,600 per year, or $262 a week in child support. Out of your pocket. Every week. Until that child reaches 21.

And that’s just the minimum child support payment. The court could also add on education costs or other maintenance fees.

Now do you support a woman’s right to choose?

I see.

And guess what happens when you DON’T pay mandated child support willingly. The government will take it out of your paycheck. Yep, you’re getting garnisheed. That kid’s getting paid, no matter what you try to do to “hide” your income – working under the table, for example.

So now you’re thinking, “Hey, I don’t have to have a kid at this age. I’ve got a future. I’ve got a career. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me.”

Well, congratulations, now you’re thinking the same way as the girl you impregnated. Good for you.

Now let me fill you in on a little tip.

If you don’t want to be involved in an unplanned pregnancy … vasectomies are a viable option. And when you feel that you’re responsible enough to be a parent in the future … vasectomies are reversible.

In other words, you are just as responsible for an unexpected pregnancy as is the mother. And if you don’t want to be saying those magic words, “You’re what??”

Then exercise your options.

Or you’ll be exercising your wallet.

Got it?

Good.