“How much does a guest post cost on your website?”

After writing 5,500+ blog posts in a 13-year span – without taking a single day off in that time – there are moments when I might consider bringing in a guest blogger. I’ve done that on a couple of rare occasions, mostly when I feel a good friend of mine deserves to share their information, or when my son Kris wants to write a blog post that would reach a crowd that’s not part of his TikTok audience.

That being said, yesterday I was perusing through my mail, and I received this unsolicited “over the transom” request.

Hello,

How much is a guest post or a link insertion on your website?

The article will be 100% original.

thank you.

(author unknown)

Oh wow, you want to write for my blog? With 100% original content? And you’re willing to pay me to have your stuff appear on my blog?

Where do I sign up?

No, seriously … where do I sign up?

No, no, seriously, ha ha ha, where do I sign up for what appears to be a total phishing scam?

Yeah. Here’s something that people might not understand about my blog. I am the author. I am the producer. I am the one who approves content. I am the one who takes down content for which I no longer approve.

If you were once a friend of mine and I wrote about you in my blog, and then suddenly you did something reprehensible and toxic to me, your name is scrubbed off every page of my blog. I’d mention the name of the former QB for the Pittsburgh Steelers before your name ever graces my weblog again.

That being said … I also have to ensure that whatever appears in my blog reflects my views and beliefs. I don’t need any screeds about whatever cockamamie conspiracy story you uncovered on 16chan or the like. So whatever you plan on pitching to me … It has to be approved by me. And if you want to go over my head, my supervisor’s name is also Chuck Miller. And so is HIS supervisor.

But let’s say that you really DID have something meaningful that you wanted to run on my blog. Maybe even add a link to my blogroll. That’s another factor. The writers on my personal blogroll have been vetted by me. They’re real people. They are from all over the world and they have a myriad of different topics and interests. You, mister (or Ms.) over-the-transom, didn’t even bother to provide me with your name or contact info.

So here’s the deal. Because you pitched your idea to me with NO contact information, with NO idea of available content, and NO true understanding of my blog’s contents …

I’ll make you an offer.

If you read this blog, and respond back to me using the name of the motion picture with this piece of iconic dialogue, “I’m just here for the gasoline,” then I’ll consider you for a guest blogger and a blogroll link.

A blogroll link will cost you one Chuckycoin. Chuckycoin is the cryptocurrency I use for this blog; one Chuckycoin today trades for $5,000 USA. Or $6,408.13 CAN. Chuckycoin can be purchased directly through this website by contacting me and providing your direct wire transfer information.

As for guest blogging … since I didn’t ask you to blog, but you essentially volunteered, I’ll give you the discounted rate of SEVEN Chuckycoins. You pay me the equivalent of seven Chuckycoins ($35,000 USA or $44,856.88 CAN) and you can write one blog post. Please note that additional blog posts will cost you a minimum of five additional Chuckycoins paid to me.

This is non-negotiable. No blog links or blog posts approved without cash in hand. This ain’t no charity, cupcake.

So that’s the rules. You contact me out of the blue and want your stuff printed on my blog?

Then get ready to pay to play.

Cashier’s over here. 😀