The other day, while perusing YouTube for a new cooking recipe to undertake, I came across this series of videos. They’re listed as ASMR videos, and ASMR is a special autonomous sensory meridian response, in which detailed sounds and barely audible whispers turn into special stimulation.
Okay, now that I know how it works, let’s watch a video. I tried to link it here, but the YouTube creator only allows it to be watched on YouTube, so you’ll have to click this link to watch the video.
The video features what appears to be a potato recipe with slow-motion slicing and frying and broiling and all that – as performed by a shapely woman in a black cocktail dress.
Okay. Wasn’t hungry before … kinda peckish now.
I tried watching another one, this time the recipe involves turning mashed potatoes into fried little potato logs. Link is here.
Same soft, hypnotic music … same cranked-up sound effects … and now our buxom preparer is wearing an outfit with plenty of visible cleavage.
What in the name of Nigella Lawson is going on here?
Is this a cooking channel or some sort of erotic meal preparation?
Here’s another one. Complete with slow-motion application of paprika on boiled potatoes AND our hostess in a spaghetti-strap backless dress. Trust me. I went over all the ingredients in this video and I think the one ingredient that’s missing is a brassiere.
That’s it. I’m doing things all wrong.
If I want to do some Bachelor Cooking YouTube videos, I should employ this technique.
Atmospheric piano music. Check.
Tight focus on ingredients. Check.
Slow-motion slicing and mixing. Check.
Auto-generated captions about asking for comments. Check.
So all I need now is either a super-tight muscle shirt OR a Speedo.
Or both, I mean, I am looking for clicks, right? #hahahahaha
Chuck The Writer 
I was only able to watch a few seconds of both videos. I don’t think I have ever hated anything more in my entire life.
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You don’t want to know about the psychology behind these videos. Really you don’t.
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