When it comes to paying the necessary bills in my life, I do so with the knowledge that if I owe money, it must be paid. If I want lights in my house, then I pay the light bill. If I want to call someone, then I pay the phone bill. And if I want to continue watching television, then I pay the cable bill.
And I’ve done that without fail for many years. I moved to the Town and Village in December 2010, and have always paid my bill – on time – every month – to then Time Warner Cable, and today to its successor Spectrum Cable.
And during that time, I’ve put up with Spectrum’s tactic of raising my cable bill and then telling me they’re saving me money. Or cancelling a channel that I like and telling me to contact the channel itself as if it was the channel’s fault. Or various and sundry other fun tactics.
So I pay Spectrum every month and I put up with their horseshit every month. Reciprocal relationship.
Last weekend, though … Spectrum really pissed me off.
I received a postcard in the mail from Spectrum, addressed to “New Resident” at my specific address. It promised to provide new “moving-in” rates for Spectrum cable and internet at one low price.
Wait, who’s moving into my place, and why is Spectrum coaxing them with a low rate? They’re not offering ME a low rate, and I’ve lived at that very address for the past 13 years!
Now obviously this is just some sort of marketing ploy, they probably send these cards all over the neighborhood in the hopes of catching a new customer or two.
But I’m not going to let them off the hook that easily.
I called the number on the card.
Ended up speaking to Kendall, a customer service rep. She wanted to know when I would like to have my new cable and internet installed.
I asked her, first off, how did she know I was moving into the new place?
She gave some bullshit answer about market research and the like.
I then said to her, but I’ve been living at this very address for the past 13 years, do you know something I don’t? Have you been in communication with my landlord? Is a new tenant moving into my apartment? Am I being evicted? How do you know all this? Why did my landlord tell Spectrum and not me? Should I wake up one morning and find all my possessions on the street and a new family moving into my domicile? And are they getting a better rate from Spectrum than I’m currently receiving?
Trust me, I laid it on thicker than birthday cake frosting.
And Kendall went from reading the script to getting totally flummoxed. She apologized, she did not want me to think that I was being evicted, she was sure I’m a very good tenant, she just explained that Spectrum sends these postcards out to everybody, it’s a marketing technique.
All right, let’s go for round two.
I asked her, so you’re offering a lower rate for this new customer that isn’t actually here. And it’s being sent to me, an existing customer for many years. Can I get that discount rate?
Oh, no, we can’t do that, Kendall replied. That’s only for new customers. We can’t offer that to everybody. Just to new customers to get them to sign onto Spectrum.
That’s fine. I had my fun.
She then asked if I would be interested in filling out a survey about our communication and her responses.
Oh, I was SO tempted … So, so tempted …
But in the end, I figured this was enough for me.
So here’s the deal, Spectrum. If you contact me again with a “new customer” offer without realizing I’ve been a customer of yours going all the way back to your days not just as Time Warner, but as Capital Cablevision, when I could use the old converter box to press three specific buttons in combination and get unscrambled Playboy Channel videos back in the day …
Next time you pull this stunt … I’m recording it and I’m posting it here. And I don’t care. You’ve been warned.
And that goes for Verizon and all you telemarketers and swindlers and scammers and the rest of you bottom-feeding navel-gazers.
Keep up your baloney, and I’ll make bologna sandwiches of out of it.
I HATE the fact that if we left them and moved, I could get my wife to get the “new” lower rate.
Reason Number (Whatever) of why I don’t have TV service. Yep, same kind of BS even in CA. Not just cable companies either.
May I make a suggestion? The next time they send you a postcard, just drop it in the garbage instead of calling them to pick a fight. Let it go. You could br doing something great with your time, instead.
Three words: rabbit ears / Roku. You’ll be amazed at the amount of resulting free time and mad money you’ll have on your hands.
Oh, and best of luck with that new roommate.
We have over the air TV and Netflix, peacock, ROKU
Only use them for internet and they just raised our rates $20.00/month
No discount for senior citizens on S.S.