The Gary Gussman Fantasy Football League

I’ve never played fantasy football before.  And with the exception of watching The League, I’ve had no interest in doing so.  First off, there’s no way that this diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan would ever take any players from the New England Patriots, New York Jets, Oakland Raiders, Green Bay Packers, Denver Broncos, Baltimore Ravens or Cleveland Clowns on a fantasy football team.  And I can’t watch a football game and gripe that players on opposite teams aren’t playing the way I want them to because they’re affecting my results.

That being said, I’m tinkering around with the idea of creating my own fantasy football league – one in which quarterbacks, running backs, wide receivers and defense mean nothing.

And you’re going … then what players are left?

Ah, that’s where the fun begins.  I want to create a league in which wins and losses are determined by the kicking team.

Yep.  In my fantasy league, you draft four kickers (two AFC, two NFC).  For each game that your kickers play, you receive 3 points for a completed field goal, 1 point for a successful PAT.  I haven’t decided if you get docked for missed field goals or missed PAT’s, and what might happen if your kicker suddenly passes the ball for a fake FG / TD.

Or if your team gets penalized because your kicker suddenly thinks he’s a quarterback and has never thrown a forward pass in his life.

So all that being said… I’ve named my league the “Gary Gussman Fantasy Football League,” in honor – or in notoriety – of former Albany Firebirds kicker Gary Gussman.  In the early years of the Firebirds’ Arena Football days – back in the pre-“Touchdown Eddie Brown” years – Gary Gussman was the Firebirds’ woeful kicker.  Look, I know the uprights in Arena Football are razor-thin, but at some point in time the Firebirds’ coach should have just given up on PAT’s and went directly for two-point conversions.  Just sayin’ is all.

So the rules of this fantasy football league are simple.  You get to draft four kickers – two in the AFC, two in the NFC.  You only get to replace them if they retire in mid-season.  You accumulate points based on whether your kickers can accumulate points – heck, nine out of ten of the most prolific scorers in NFL history were kickers (ten if you count George Blanda, who became a kicker later in his career).  The fantasy season would run concurrent with the NFL’s regular season, with weekly recaps in this blog, and in the end, a fantasy champion is crowned.

Sorry I don’t have the time to build a Shiva trophy (or a Sacko trophy), but I’m treating this fantasy football league as an alternative to the super-obsessed, trash-talking, hyper-focused detail of regular fantasy football leagues.  It’s an alternative and – I hope – a fun alternative to those leagues.

If you’re interested in participating in this league, drop me a blog comment.  If there’s enough interest, we can have an e-mail draft party; or I could just let everybody draft their four kickers so that the same kicker could be on more than one team.

One rule.  And this is the Commissioner’s rule, so no arguments.

I get dibs on Shaun Suisham.  Double Yoi!