Thanks for the slap, DePaula Chevrolet…

If you’ve read my blog over any period of time, you know that I am a loyal General Motors man.  The four cars I’ve owned over the past two decades were all manufactured under the General Motors aegis – my 1991 Pontiac 6000 (“The 6”), my 2005 Saturn Ion (“Cardachrome”), my 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt SS (“The Blackbird”) and my current ride, the 2013 Chevrolet Cruze (“Dracourage”).

Winter Chevrolet. Nikon Df camera, Vivitar 19mm f/3.8 lens. Photo by Chuck Miller.

I’ve chosen DePaula Chevrolet as my repair and maintenance shop, and when I acquired Dracourage, I worked with DePaula directly to take care of all the paperwork.  They understood that my previous car – the Blackbird – was pulverized and destroyed in a heinous car accident in North Carolina.  Which is why I had to get a new car – i.e., Dracourage.

So when I received mail this weekend from DePaula regarding my departed 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt, I was confused.  Was there something that someone found in the wrecked remains of the Blackbird, and they were trying to return it to me and the only contact information they had was the connection between that car and DePaula Chevrolet?

Okay.  I opened the letter.

And this is what greeted me.

Yep.  It’s a damn solicitation brochure.

And it’s from DePaula Chevrolet … again.

This is not the first time DePaula has done this to me.  Nor is it the second time.

In other words, this is getting old fast.

And this one hurts more.  You know why?

Because I bought my current car from DePaula Chevrolet last June.  Not even a full calendar year ago.  I bought it because … well … this happened to the Blackbird.  So either Person A in the sales department at DePaula Chevrolet didn’t talk to Person B in the sales department at DePaula Chevrolet … or my name just happened to end up on another damn solicitation mailing list, the same kind of mailing lists whose companies cold-call me to offer me vehicle service contracts that barely cover a deductible on a keychain.

And while I’m at it, let me reiterate my terms of transfer to the sales staff at DePaula Chevrolet.  I would be more than happy to trade in Dracourage (or what’s left of the Blackbird) for the following cars, and ONLY for those following cars, as I’ve said in previous posts:

Look, I don’t have a problem if DePaula wants to keep me up to date with maintenance on my current car.  And if DePaula wants to make me an offer for an upgrade on my Cobalt… I’m willing to listen.  And by “listen,” I’m only interested in General Motors cars that have the following models – Camaro, Corvette, Impala (models 9c1 or 9c3 only), Pontiac GTO (either the late 1960’s “The Judge” model, or the Holden Monaro clone from the mid-2000’s), Pontiac Trans Am (black with a T-bar roof), Buick Gran Sport, Oldsmobile Rocket “88” or 4-4-2 … or even a 1984 Pontiac 6000 STE with the bar-graph tachometer instrument panel…

But apparently, once again, DePaula Chevrolet does not listen to me.  They present themselves as being caring, understanding, compassionate automobile dealers … and now I’m getting zombie junk mail for DePaula Chevrolet to purchase back my destroyed, demolished Blackbird.

Hey DePaula Chevrolet, do you really, truly, seriously want to buy my Blackbird?  Let me ask you something … do you think I can get a nice trade-in on a Corvette for this?

Yeah.  Because THIS is what’s left of my car.  And probably less than that, considering it’s most likely been crushed for scrap in a North Carolina junkyard.  Yeah.  Can I get a decent trade-in on this?  Do you see that picture, DePaula Chevrolet?  I SHOULD HAVE BEEN KILLED IN THAT CAR CRASH, and now you want to remind me of it by sending me junk solicitation letters?  Really?  Seriously?

Thanks a big fat pantload, DePaula Chevrolet.  I thought I had gotten past this horrible chapter in my life, and you just brought it back like it happened ten minutes ago.

It also showed me, clearly and convincingly, that I’m NOT a valued customer with your company.  I’m just a cog, a number, a mark, a target.  You wouldn’t know Chuck Miller from Chuck Mangione, and sending me crap mail like this totally proves it.

You don’t care.  Not like I’m expecting a car dealership to actually “care” about its customers, but still… at least somehow keep up the appearance that you do.

Nah, I get it.  I know where I stand.  I’m nothing but a “customer” to DePaula Chevrolet.  And for that matter … I’m not even a “valued” customer.  😦

And for that matter, they should pray that my current car remains my forever car.  Because come the day when Dracourage no longer performs its duties …

I will still buy a GM car …

But whether I buy it from DePaula Chevrolet…

I just don’t know.