Halloween in the time of COVID-19

Ah, Halloween.  The one day of the year when I can’t get my work done, because every time I sit down, someone knocks on my door, I go to see who it is, there’s four kids in costumes and two parents just a few feet away, and they’re all yelling “Trick or Treat, Trick or Treat” at me.  Okay, kids, nice costumes, here’s some candy.  And there’s one kid who’ll look up and say to me, “What’s this Necco Wafers thing you’re putting in my candy bag?”

Trust me.  Necco Wafers are a guarantee that you won’t knock on my door next year, sonny.

But this year, apparently Halloween has turned upside down.  And you know why, don’t you?

Yep.  COVID-19.

This first started when one of the people in my neighborhood Facebook group posted some spurious article that Governor Andrew Cuomo has cancelled Halloween gatherings and door-to-door costumed candy-moochers.  Here’s a link to the original article.

That was immediately followed by people who posted these kind of memes.

That’s a very “Cuomo Chips” method of doing things, if you ask me.

Well, apparently Governor Cuomo had to respond to this.

Okay, that means I gotta get some Necco wafers.  And Halloween is on a Saturday, so those roving bands of costumed panhandlers will be knocking at my door all the ding dong day.

Fine, if we’re going to do Halloween, we’ll do Halloween.  But just know this.  Anyone who knocks on my door is going to need to get their temperature taken before they get any candies from me.  Look, I can get my mitts on one of this digital pistol thermometers, same as you.  Because all it takes is one asymptomatic kid with COVID-19 to spread it all over the neighborhood.

That, or I might just leave a bucket of Necco Wafers on a table in front of my door, with a note saying “one per kid” on the bucket.

But yeah, it’s not whether the Governor has to ban or not ban trick or treating.  What’s really the issue is whether you have the sense, as responsible parents, to take your kids throughout the neighborhood and hope that you’re not getting candy from someone who has COVID-19.  Remember, October is a cooler month, and the virus lasts longer in cooler weather.

Look, I get it.  We all want to return to some semblance of normalcy.  I totally get it.

But we have to do it safely and prudently.  Viruses don’t care that it’s a holiday.  All viruses care about is how they can kill you.

Let’s not make it easier for the viruses to do their nasty work, okay?

Trust me, a packet of Necco Wafers won’t cure COVID-19.

Common sense, social distancing, protective face masks and hand-washing are still your best barriers against spreading the virus.  Okay?