How to speak Novocaine

Last Wednesday, I had a filling replaced in one of my teeth. I get it. I was born with weak enamel, so eventually I have to deal with things like root canals and cavity fillings and the like.

My long-time dentist of choice is Mohler and Choo, D.D.S., they’ve been the kind of dental practice that anyone can feel comfortable using. Plus, they have dental hygienist Miss Brace, who would definitely make you want to schedule more appointments. 😀

I’ve written before in my blog about how dentists and oral surgeons and dental hygienists and dental technicians seem to have developed a way to communicate with their patients, despite their patients being hopped up on enough Novocaine to take out a rhinoceros. And sure enough, as they were working on re-filling one of my teeth, we had a little conversation. See if you can figure out who’s speaking with whom.

“Okay, turn towards me and open your mouth.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“No, this way. Are you feeling numb?”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Okay, we’ll give it a couple more minutes.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“You’ll be fine. Now we’re going to take your glasses, because we don’t want to have water and tooth matter splattered all over them. We’ll give you these plastic goggles for the time being.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Please stop looking at Miss Brace with them, they’re not X-ray spectacles. Turn towards me.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Yes, we know that joke. We also know that dentists schedule most of their appointments at tooth-hurty. I could schedule an emergency root canal for you, if you like.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Okay, maybe next week. You’ll just hear some noises while I drill.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Yes, it has been cold lately.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Not too bad, they’ve plowed the roads near my home.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Really? An accident on 787?”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Three cars?”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“And they got the one car off of the guardrail with a tow truck and winch?”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Yeah, that’s why people shouldn’t drive on 787 in a snowstorm.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry. I’ve had my COVID shot. I’m good.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Yes, I just received my second one.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“You’ll just feel a little tingling in your arm, but you’ll feel better afterwards.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“I did hear that they were opening up. Amusement parks at 33% capacity.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Yes, the Great Escape is a great park to visit. But you need to wear a mask and stay socially distant, even after you’ve gotten your COVID shot. You are scheduled for one, right?”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“You have to travel all that way? There wasn’t an appointment in Albany?”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Well, at least you don’t have to travel to Buffalo for a shot.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Yes, I hear that everyone who gets a COVID shot in Buffalo receives a complimentary bucket of Anchor Bar chicken wings.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Okay, just a little nick here.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t supposed to happen. Gauze.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“More gauze.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Okay, I think I stopped the bleeding.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“You’ll be fine. It’s just a little nick.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Remember, when you go for your COVID shot, bring all your paperwork.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“No, don’t bring that. It’s not necessary.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“You can bring that.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Probably not that.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Definitely not that.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“It looks like that tooth will polish up nicely. Let me get the polishing compounds. What flavor would you like today?”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“It does NOT taste like chalk.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“No, that one does NOT taste like plaster.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“I don’t think they make a flavor of polishing compound in Coca-Cola flavor.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Oh good, I heard you were back taking photos again.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t provide you with an old gold tooth to photograph.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“No, I don’t have any impacted wisdom teeth to photograph, either.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Well, they would come out in pieces; about the only way you could extract one of those teeth whole would be if the patient were dead.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“No, it doesn’t work that way.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Maybe if you contact an oral surgeon, but I don’t have any spare teeth here.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“If you like, I can get you a tooth to photograph. Miss Brace, hand me the pliers.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“I thought so. Don’t worry, I’m almost done.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Now don’t eat or drink anything for two hours, or at least until all the Novocaine wears off.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“That’s fine. Just take it easy for the rest of the day.”

“Ugh whuh uhg ururh.”

“Yes, that too.”

See, even in times of COVID, I can still have some fun with my dental team. 😀