It’s Monday morning, I’m at the day job, and I receive a call on my cell phone.
The caller ID says DePaula Chevrolet.
Oh, this is going to be good.
Background.
For many years, I trusted DePaula Chevrolet with the maintenance of my first four GM cars. They maintained my 1991 Pontiac 6000, and when that died, they guided me to a 2005 Saturn Ion, and when that developed the dreaded GM ignition issue, they maintained my 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt SS. And when that car was destroyed in a highway accident, they sold me what I branded as “Dracourage” – my 2013 Chevrolet Cruze.
And I did like the Cruze. It was a decent little go-getter of a car, and I worked hard to pay it off.
But in November 2021, Dracourage came out of a routine oil change with a weird burning oil smell. I thought it would go away on its own. It did not.
And it got really bad when I tried to take my girlfriend for a romantic weekend away. Halfway through the trip, she complained of the fetid stench that came out of Dracourage’s internals. The smell of burning oil.
I took the car to DePaula Chevrolet. And for four days – nearly into the Christmas holidays – they had it up on a lift. Finally, the car came off the lift, and I could drive it home.
They claimed they had fixed the burning oil smell.
The burning oil smell was still there. In fact, it was worse.
And like a dimbulb, I tried to ignore it. I bought air fresheners and hoped that would mask the smell until whatever burned off went away.
No bueno. The next time my girlfriend got in the car, we hadn’t traveled a half a mile before she told me, “I can’t ride with you in this car. I can’t. Take me home.”
Another trip to DePaula Chevrolet. And another week up on the jacks.
Again, they claimed they fixed the problem.
No. It was even worse. The whole car smelled like someone had torched a tire recycling plant.
I had no choice. After six years of travels with Dracourage … the car had to go.
And go it went. In April 2022, I purchased my 2017 Chevrolet Volt Premier, “Lightning’s Girl,” which I still drive today.
But cars need maintenance. And Chevrolet hybrids especially so. I checked around, and DeNooyer Chevrolet (no relation to DePaula Chevrolet) had one of the youngest master VOLTEC repairmen in the Northeast.
Guess what. I moved all necessary repairs and maintenance from Central Avenue to Wolf Road. DeNooyer Chevrolet is now my dealer repair shop of choice.
So why si DePaula Chevrolet calling me?
“Hi Charles, this is DePaula Chevrolet, how are you today?”
Oh, great. I’ve been dead-named. Then again, the last time I dealt with DePaula Chevrolet, I was still legally Charles Miller.
“I’m okay, what’s up?”
“Well, we’re calling you about a great offer for your 2013 Chevrolet Cruze.”
My 2013 Chevrolet Cruze. Okay … um … I don’t know what the offer is, but let’s hear it.
“Do you still own the car?”
I dodged the question. “I’m curious what you’re offering.”
“Well, we’re running an oil change special, $40 off a standard oil change, would you like to set up an appointment and bring your car in?”
Um … you did say an oil change, right? An oil change??
At this point … I realized … DePaula Chevrolet does not listen to me. Or they have selective hearing. Trust me. Two years after I got rid of my Saturn Ion because of the electrical issue that plagued GM cars from those model years, DePaula Chevrolet still thought I owned the car.
I didn’t blog about it once … I blogged about it twice, because DePaula Chevrolet kept asking me about that Saturn Ion. Over and over and over again. What did I need to do, bring them a branded distributor cap to prove the car was dead?
And when my beloved Cobalt SS – the “Blackbird” – was destroyed in a horrific car crash that I was lucky to walk away from – and despite buying my Chevrolet Cruze AT DePAULA CHEVROLET – DePaula still thought I owned the Blackbird. Like I can afford two car payments as a single man.
I mean … the direct marketing from DePaula Chevrolet got so invasive that Kara DePaula herself had to comment on my blog.
Yeah … and now they want me to come in for an oil change, when it was an oil change in 2021 that sent my car – which I owned for six years and PAID OFF IN TWO – on a one-way trip to Junksville.
No. Nada. No way. I would rather take Lightning’s Girl across the street and let the dealers who have the “puppies and babies not included” commercials change my oil. Besides … Lightning’s Girl had her oil changed three months ago when she had her yearly inspection. There’s no need for me to change the oil three months after that – in a hybrid car, no less – just because DePaula Chevrolet is dangling a $40-off coupon at me.
Oh, wait. I forgot. I haven’t told the DePaula representative how I feel about all this.
So I told her. Unfiltered. Unvarnished. I told her about what happened to my car in November 2021 at the DePaula maintenance facility. I told her about the oil change that turned into a nasty, burning smell that permeated my car like a diaper pail in a nursery. How that smell kept my girlfriend from going anywhere with me on trips. And that if I didn’t get this fixed … properly … immediately … yeah. And that I had to sell Dracourage and get a car that’s even better. And that after a decade of working with DePaula Chevrolet going all the way back to the Pontiac 6000 that I commandeered from my sainted Grandma Betty because nobody should be allowed to drive when they’re 92 and have cataracts, despite possessing a valid Massachusetts driver’s license – despite all those years of trusting DePaula with my vehicles, they fucked up my car so terribly that I made DAMN sure that I would find any other Chevrolet dealership to work on Lightning’s Girl before I even LET DePaula Chevrolet touch my ride ever again. That’s how angry I was. And compounded anger because, once again, DePaula Chevrolet continued to bombard me with promotional advertisements on cars that I don’t own, cars that I’ve TOLD them I don’t own, cars that they took as trade-ins – which MEANS I don’t own those cars any more … ugh. Just straight-up ugh.
Eventually she apologized, and promised she would remove my car from the mailing list. Right. Sure. And she wished me a nice day.
Well, it was a nice day. Then DePaula Chevrolet called me, and that call reminded me WHY I had to get rid of Dracourage in the first place.
I tell you what, blog readers. Check back with me in about four months.
I’m sure DePaula Chevrolet will call again.
Hey, maybe they’ll ask me if I want to trade in the Pontiac 6000 from 14 years ago. I mean, there’s got to be a big demand for early 1990’s GM A-frame 19 mpg beaters with heaters, amirite?
Chuck The Writer 
If they call again, set up an appointment to come in and buy a brand new car off the lot. Don’t show, of course.
When they call with a “Where the heck were you?” tell them you had called to reschedule. “Don’t recall who I spoke with.”
Tell them the new date & time (out of thin air), or re-reschedule.
Don’t show, of course. Rinse, repeat…
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