No, I have absolutely no idea who it should be.  I know there’s a lot of actors (and some actresses) that have been rumored as putting on the scarf and grabbing the Sonic Screwdriver as the “Twelfth Doctor,” but in all honesty, whoever the BBC picks to replace Matt Smith in the titular role of the legendary Timelord, that selection will take the TARDIS-traveling adventurer into a whole new world and a whole new series of possibilities. As it is right now, the new “Twelfth Doctor” is scheduled to make his appearance when Matt Smith’s Doctor regenerates during the 2013 Christmas special.  So I want to throw some ideas out to you about who should – or could – or couldn’t – be that new Doctor.  And with tongue planted firmly in cheek, I give you… as your new Doctor…

Dan Stevens

Pros – He would be the coolest-looking Doctor.  Come on, the guy melted everyone’s heart on Downton Abbey.

Cons – He might want out of the role in three years, and then they’d have to kill him off by dropping a TARDIS on him.

Richard Madden

Pros – He’s finished up three years as Robb Stark on Game of Thrones.  He could be a Doctor with a sense of combativeness and fervor.

Cons – If you get a wedding invitation from him, politely decline.

David Bowie

Pros – this guy could have tons of fun with the character.  Suddenly he’s Doctor Ziggy Stardust.  Next, he’s the Thin White Duke, M.D.

Cons – Please don’t let his traveling companion be Brian Eno.  Please.  I beg of you.  Besides, isn’t he already working hard as the Sovereign of the Guild of Calamitous Intent?

John Cleese

Pros – the legendary actor and Monty Python’s Flying Circus vet would bring a wry, sarcastic, humorous take on the Doctor’s character.

Cons – Most likely would only take the role if it would cover all the costs of his rapacious alimony payments.

Jason Gann

Pros – Has there ever been an Australian Doctor?  No.  Well, the Doctor has represented the rest of the British Empire at one time or another… so…

Cons – If he shows up on the set in that floppy-dog costume he wore on the TV series Wilfred, I’m putting my foot through the TV screen.

Brent Spiner

Pros – has science fiction cred as Lt. Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Could probably out-think the Daleks just as fast as he out-thought the Borg.

Cons – that science fiction cred he has also includes thirteen episodes of the godawful show Threshold.  And most of that show was only watchable because Carla Gugino was in it.

Joanna Lumley

Pros – would make one seriously smoky-hot Doctor.  Has genre credit from her work in everything from Sapphire and Steel to The New Avengers.

Cons – If she shows up with a martini glass and refers to the Daleks as “sweetie darling,” it’s so over.

Jason Staitham

Pros – Nobody would mess with the Doctor.  No one at all.

Cons – If nobody messed with the Doctor, the show would be over in 15 minutes.  You’d be better off to cast Chuck Norris in the role.

Nathan Fillion

Pros – again, the guy’s worked in genre shows before.  He knows how to break down the fourth wall, have you seen an episode or seven of Castle lately?

Cons – The minute he shows up with that scarf and that sonic screwdriver, every Browncoat with a dial-up modem is going to kvetch about why he’s not carrying that Lassiter pistol he got from Saffron in the episode “Trash.”  And why is he doing another show when he should be gathering the cast of Serenity together…

Alex Kingston

Pros – she has played a Timelord before… and there are female Timelords…

Cons – Making her the Twelfth Doctor would probably mangle up the timestream to the point where it would choke itself and die.

Keanu Reaves

Pros – he has done time travel before… party on, dudes…  And the TARDIS is about the size of a telephone booth, right?

Cons – That’s only going to work if his traveling “companion” is Alex Winter.  Wyld Stallyns Rule!!

Paul Darrow

Pros – he has done British science fiction before.  Back in the day, he was the criminal matermind Avon, a member of Blake’s 7, the show about an outer-space band of outlaws and criminals who were fighting an evil universal federation.  You know, 25 years before Firefly.

Cons – if he’s coming back to television, I want it as a Blake’s 7 reunion, not as a Doctor Who continuation.  Come on, where’s Vila?  Where’s Jenna?  Where’s Soolin?  And most of all, where’s the evil Servelan??

Prince William, Duke of Cambridge

Pros – can you imagine the worldwide ratings if the second in line to the British throne was also a Timelord?

Cons – I don’t think they could get Prince Harry of Wales to take on the role as The Master.  If they could… oh man…

Tom Baker

Pros – he has experience in the role of the Doctor.  They could also create some sort of mythos that says that Doctors can regenerate backwards as well as forwards.

Cons – Without Sarah Jane and the Brigadeer, it wouldn’t be the same.   Plus, at his current age, Tom Baker would look more like William Hartnell than his old self.

John Barrowman

Pros – This might appeal to all the fans who still want new episodes of Torchwood.  Find a way to say that Captain Jack Harkness is actually the Doctor who has come in and out of the same timeline as the current Doctor we all know, and has been using the alias “Captain Jack Harkness” all this time.

Cons – What in the name of Russell T. Davies am I trying to do?  I can’t do this…

Carole Ann Ford

Pros – She also played a Doctor … or at least the granddaughter of a Doctor … all the way back to the show’s origins.  So why not tie the series from front to end, and …

Cons – Again, this would take a massive leap of faith among Whovians.  This is more like fantasy casting than reality casting.

Dwayne Johnson

Pros – If he ever took control of the TARDIS, I would cast him just to hear him deliver this line: “If ya smell-la-la-la what the Doc is cooking!”

Cons – I don’t think we could ever handle an episode where he gives the Rock Bottom to the Raxacoricofallapatorians…

Okay.  I had some fun with this casting call.  What would your fantasy castings for the new Doctor be, no matter how serious or silly the casting might be?